A Little History

My mom believes all my problems started when I was just a baby. Right before my First birthday I came down with a high fever of 104, at times 105. I was in the hospital for almost 1 month. I had Rheumatic Fever. Then soon after going home I had seizures everyday until I was 3 years old. None since. 

I always seemed sick growing up. Headaches, stomach aches, bruised easy, tonsillitis and fevers. I was at the doctors a lot. They just always told my mom that I was a nervous child. When I turned 14, that is when I started to get Migraine headaches. Once I got pregnant at 35 the migraines have lessened. 

Let’s see, what are all my ailments; endometriosis, (with multiple biopsies and cervical freezing’s) irritable bowl, colitis, interstitial cystitis, TMJ, early menopause, shingles, staph infections, chronic myofascial pain syndrome, osteopenia and the above mentioned problems. I might have forgotten something, since my memory is also not as good as it used to be. See another ailment!

Now I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I guess it makes sense to me. I do wonder at times “Why Me, what did I do to deserve this?” But that gets me nowhere. So, instead I am trying hard to stay positive about the symptoms. Some days are easier to cope with them than others.

But at least I am trying. 

Moment to Moment

I wish I was the same happy, carefree girl of a few years ago. I really do miss her. I had my issues with her, but I would gladly take her back.

My body is going through some rough times. Some days I’m hot, some cold. One moment crying the next as happy as I can be. I can’t even relax when I want. I would love to just sit and read a book, but if I sit to long I hurt. If I don’t sit enough I hurt. It really is a no win situation.

I would love to run, dance and jump with my daughter, but I just cannot do it. I want to be the fun energetic mom, not the mom that has to sit or lie down because of the pain or I just got to tired. It is very hard to explain what Mommy is going through to a 6 year old, heck I don’t even understand it. One moment I am dealing okay with what I've been given, then there are days I am so angry, the “Why Me” stage. I hate that stage.

My close friendships have changed as well. I don’t see or even talk to my friends as I use to. It just takes all I have to get through the day. There are days I have no clue how I got through it.

Most people live their life’s day by day. I unfortunately do not, I live moment to moment. I never know what the day will bring. I wake up every morning with the same dull ache in my bones and joints. The same headache, same restless feeling. But, as the day goes on it just depends on how bad it will all get. It’s a very lonely syndrome. Even when people are around me, I still feel alone. No one can “see” my pain, so how can they understand it, like I said, I don’t even understand it.

This damn syndrome called Fibromyalgia has taken everything from me.

Leah's Music Video

A while back Leah did a music video with Tara Strong. I never posted it. Here you go http://youtu.be/juj9CAc-Fbc

Music Video

Leah is going to be in a video for this lovely lady Tara Strong http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0152839/ She does so many voices, that it is unbelievable.

She has recorded a song https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/tara-strong/id210175945 and this will be the video.

When I have the video I will post it.

Bone Density Test

Since I am in early menopause, my doctor had me do a Bone Density Test. My results came in today. I have Osteopenia. Which means I am in early stages of Osteoprosis. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osteopenia

This just makes me feel so old. I really can't believe I am already in menopause and now worried about Osteoporosis.

From here I just have to make the best of it. How? I have no idea.

Dark Place

I started menopause 2 years ago. I have to say that menopause at 42 is no fun. There is nothing good about it. The hot flashes, night sweats, no periods, and the roller coaster of emotions.

It has been 2 years since my last period. Well, I started to bleed, for a week. So now I go see my doctor and have an ultrasound to see if the lining of my uterus has shrunk in 2 weeks. If not I will have a biopsy. I must admit I am kinda scared. But wishing for the best.

I have had so many stresses lately. My parents have been very sick. Mom has had C-Diff http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/c-difficile/DS00736 stomach infection and was in the hospital or the rehab facility all of January. Dad had surgery for his bladder and his enlarged prostate. He seems to be better, but is very tired still. Then while in the hospital he got the C-Diff infection.

I have been in this all alone with my parents. Hearing them both cry on the phone with me, because my brother, to quote him "I can't deal with them getting older and sick, so I am checking out". Well, wish it was that easy for me.

But seriously, back to this menopause thing. It is seriously wrong that women have to go through everything. We have periods, we have the babies, we have to suffer through menopause. All the while men suffer nothing. Well, except our emotional roller coaster of emotions.

I have some good days. But man the bad days out-way the good. I hope I can survive this menopause thing.

Holiday's

 Thanksgiving and Christmas have passed. Now we move onto New Years! I can say without hesitation that I am ready for 2013. The past 2 years have truly been very taxing on me, emotionally and physically.

I am going to be 42 next month. there are times I look back on my life and think, "I have nothing to show for 42 years of life" then I see my daughter, and I feel bad for thinking that. She is my everything. She has so much joy, love, life and caring inside her. Yes, I do have a part in that. I am raising a pretty amazing girl, who will turn into an astounding woman. Which, I can't wait to see.

There is so much I do wish for my life, but not sure if any of it will come to pass. But, I have to just be happy with what I have.

Cheers 2013