Moment to Moment

I wish I was the same happy, carefree girl of a few years ago. I really do miss her. I had my issues with her, but I would gladly take her back.

My body is going through some rough times. Some days I’m hot, some cold. One moment crying the next as happy as I can be. I can’t even relax when I want. I would love to just sit and read a book, but if I sit to long I hurt. If I don’t sit enough I hurt. It really is a no win situation.

I would love to run, dance and jump with my daughter, but I just cannot do it. I want to be the fun energetic mom, not the mom that has to sit or lie down because of the pain or I just got to tired. It is very hard to explain what Mommy is going through to a 6 year old, heck I don’t even understand it. One moment I am dealing okay with what I've been given, then there are days I am so angry, the “Why Me” stage. I hate that stage.

My close friendships have changed as well. I don’t see or even talk to my friends as I use to. It just takes all I have to get through the day. There are days I have no clue how I got through it.

Most people live their life’s day by day. I unfortunately do not, I live moment to moment. I never know what the day will bring. I wake up every morning with the same dull ache in my bones and joints. The same headache, same restless feeling. But, as the day goes on it just depends on how bad it will all get. It’s a very lonely syndrome. Even when people are around me, I still feel alone. No one can “see” my pain, so how can they understand it, like I said, I don’t even understand it.

This damn syndrome called Fibromyalgia has taken everything from me.

Leah's Music Video

A while back Leah did a music video with Tara Strong. I never posted it. Here you go http://youtu.be/juj9CAc-Fbc

Music Video

Leah is going to be in a video for this lovely lady Tara Strong http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0152839/ She does so many voices, that it is unbelievable.

She has recorded a song https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/tara-strong/id210175945 and this will be the video.

When I have the video I will post it.

Bone Density Test

Since I am in early menopause, my doctor had me do a Bone Density Test. My results came in today. I have Osteopenia. Which means I am in early stages of Osteoprosis. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osteopenia

This just makes me feel so old. I really can't believe I am already in menopause and now worried about Osteoporosis.

From here I just have to make the best of it. How? I have no idea.

Dark Place

I started menopause 2 years ago. I have to say that menopause at 42 is no fun. There is nothing good about it. The hot flashes, night sweats, no periods, and the roller coaster of emotions.

It has been 2 years since my last period. Well, I started to bleed, for a week. So now I go see my doctor and have an ultrasound to see if the lining of my uterus has shrunk in 2 weeks. If not I will have a biopsy. I must admit I am kinda scared. But wishing for the best.

I have had so many stresses lately. My parents have been very sick. Mom has had C-Diff http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/c-difficile/DS00736 stomach infection and was in the hospital or the rehab facility all of January. Dad had surgery for his bladder and his enlarged prostate. He seems to be better, but is very tired still. Then while in the hospital he got the C-Diff infection.

I have been in this all alone with my parents. Hearing them both cry on the phone with me, because my brother, to quote him "I can't deal with them getting older and sick, so I am checking out". Well, wish it was that easy for me.

But seriously, back to this menopause thing. It is seriously wrong that women have to go through everything. We have periods, we have the babies, we have to suffer through menopause. All the while men suffer nothing. Well, except our emotional roller coaster of emotions.

I have some good days. But man the bad days out-way the good. I hope I can survive this menopause thing.